The World is a Vampire

Those lines from Smashing Pumpkins have been playing in my head for the last 7 days.The world IS a vampire. (Note, the rest of this story is not a happy one so don't read on if you are only in it for the funny stories!)

Last week I got a disturbing text message from an unknown number. The first message was simply, "Hi, how are you?"

I responded back with, "Fine. Who is this?"

I was unsure at this point if the phone number and person sending me texts was someone I met at my expat group or someone new to my book group so naturally I was curious who this was.

About 10 seconds later another message appears stating that his name is Harry and he asked me if I am lonely living here and if I want some company. Before I could respond back with a healthy 'WHAT THE HECK,' I received another message from the unknown person stating basically that he could get me any country boy I wanted anytime I wanted him.

I was so GROSSED out that I re-read the text message several times before I permanently blocked the number from my cell. I couldn't believe what he was offering me. The text was genuine and was clearly not a prank!

In the US I would have reported this immediately to the police who would have traced the call and dealt with it. One, because it is illegal. Two, and more importantly because it was a child he was offering me. But in India there are not a lot of options for reporting these things as police here are in very short supply and are  very corrupt (sometimes they are an active part of the problem). Also, the process is unknown to me because I am a foreigner living here.

How did they get my number? Did they know my name or where I live? Did they think it was a man they were texting since Lance's name is attached to the account and not mine?

That night I told my husband and his friend Mike, who was joining us for dinner, about the text message. They both read it but were all unsure of what to do. Both were clearly upset by the notes.

That night I could not sleep. I kept thinking over and over again about those poor children. I was wondering how children get into the position of being used like that by someone so evil. Did their parents sell them? I have heard stories and seen specials on TV and the news about the selling of children in India. Were these children abandoned by their family to this dismal fate? Were they kidnapped? And what do I do about it?

For the next few days I was so upset I couldn't even type up a post for this blog. Nothing witty and happy could come to my mind. My yoga practice suffered as namaste was not a word I could bring myself to even  think (let alone to say). I was a mess.

Then I realized that even though I couldn't do anything in India about it I COULD share it with you to expose you to how life is in other parts of the world. These are the kinds of things that happen in other places where police are not reliable. Now, I am not naive, I know this stuff happens in the US too, but not so flagrantly and abundantly. In all my years of living in the US I can say with great certainty that no one ever offered me this before!

I have had other examples of the struggles of the people living here that I have experienced since moving to this country but I will write about those stories at a later time to elaborate. Suffice it to say, I have witnessed it while living here....the world really IS a vampire. 

A Saturday in Pictures

Our Driver Sushil

Lance

Took Tooks

Driving in New Delhi

Gov Building 

 Lunch at Hard Rock 

Me

 Lance playing with Bella

 Love all the decorations 

 My latest painting

Shovel Full of Cake

My husband's birthday was this week. So on the day of his actual birthday he was surprised when his team asked him to join them for a quick afternoon meeting which I had been secretly invited to attend. Upon entering the room to see what was up I yelled out "Happy Birthday!" He was so thrilled that his team had remembered his day so he personally went around and thanked each person. Everyone greeted him with the usual Indian saying of, "Many returns of the day!" which basically means we hope this day joyful returns over and over again in your life. They had purchased a chocolate cake for the event which we were all sure to enjoy.

He was really savoring the moment as the cake was cut. Everyone was smiling and laughing. He asked the team, "What is the tradition in India regarding birthdays?"

His team just looked at him and each other. One women spoke up for the group and said, "I think it is the same as you do in the US."

Lance just smiled and declared, "Well then everyone grab a slice of cake." Just then the highest ranked person who reports up to Lance steps up and holds up his hand to stop Lance from eating his slice of cake. Lance paused with the slice of cake held high and just then it happened....that birthday tradition thing they said was the same as in the US really wasn't the same anymore.

Lance's male associate proceeded to hand feed the entire piece of cake to Lance. He put each very large shovel sized bite into his mouth using his hands. The whole time this ordeal was going on Lance's face was BRIGHT RED. He was mortified and kept looking around at everyone with a questioning look in his eyes. Several times he looked at me for help but I didn't know what to do as I was dumbfounded (but also trying not to laugh). None of the local people thought anything about it as they watched while cheering and smiling. After finishing his slice of cake Lance mumbled, "Thanks Bala," to the gentleman who had so diligently feed him his large sized treat. (NOTE: Anyone reading this who knows my husband will tell you he is an easy, outgoing guy on the outside but a shy giant on the inside who likes his personal space.) Still I am happy to report he held his head high despite the strange situation and was very respectful to his associates.

The rest of the celebration went off without a hitch. Later Lance would ask his boss, who is from the UK, if hand feeding cake to someone here in India was the normal thing to do. He just laughed and told Lance yes it was a sign of respect.

Of course I could not help myself from teasing him about it. When he came home from work I had another cake waiting for us to enjoy for his birthday. I offered him a huge slice on a plate. He started to eat it with his fork and I asked him, "Oh I see...some other guy gets to hand feed you cake but it's off limits for your wife to do it for you." We both laughed.

In all seriousness he looked directly into my eyes and said, "You can feed it to me if you want to."

I think he might just let this hand feeding thing get to his head here in India! I better keep an eye on him. 

From India With Love

This past week one of the most amazing things happened to me that I must blog about to all my readers. May you find some comfort and love in it too.

Every Friday I volunteer with a local NGO (non profit) agency that is a school for kids with disabilities. This organization helps kids with Down Syndrome, Mental Retardation, Autism, etc with their vocational training among other things. I was assigned, as I usually am, to assist upstairs with the older kids while they worked on cutting or creating different items for sale (clay figurines, wind chimes, stocks of paper and plastic wrap). It is important to note that the money that the organization makes from the sale of these goods goes back into the NGO to support the enormous cost of running this organization for the 68 to 80 kids they have at any one time, many of which have parents from rural areas that can not afford to pay tuition even on the generous sliding scale the agency offers. Once the kids graduate from the school (around 18 years of age) they work from their homes using specialized equipment the school supplied free of charge to them. Any money they earn from working after leaving the school is 100% the individuals to keep. It is a very good program that teaches them a skill that they can actual continue to use after leaving the program. I love it!

So anyway, on Friday I was working beside a young women with Down Syndrome and she was lovely. We did not speak the same language but we worked together just fine. She stacked the pages while I weighed them out and bundled them up. We started out shyly smiling at each other and occasionally she would touch my hand and pat it. Eventually after working side by side for several hours she started to sing me a lovely song. Her voice was beautiful and she raised it proudly. I listened intently. I realized in that moment that I understood why they say animals can tell when a person (such as this little girl with DS) is pure of heart. You have probably heard it said that a horse isn't spooked by someone who has a disability because they can sense the person is good and does not wish the animal ill will. This girl radiated good feelings, simple kindness, and love.

At the end of the day as the classes had finished my new friend, with the lovely voice, and I gathered our things to head home, each of us to go our separate way. As we descended the stairs together she reached out and took my hand. She was singing softly under her breath and I listened as we walked together holding hands. It was a lovely moment for me. So peaceful and calm.

At the bottom of the stairs we turned to say goodbye to each other and she reached up and gentled rubbed my cheek while smiling. She said something in Hindi softly while looking me in the eye. The director of the program, who happened to be near by when it happened, inhaled deeply and smiled.

After she walked out the door I stood waving at her and asked the director what she had said and he smiled at me and said,"she wants you to know she loves you too!"

It took my breath away!!!

Tonic

Vodka Tonic. Gin and Tonic. Mixes all around.

My husband and I are beginning a poker night here in India (Texas Hold 'Em to be exact) and we are inviting friends over this Friday night to enjoy the festivities. Libations will abound in honor of our friends vodka, gin, whiskey, beer, and wine. It is not some drunken 'free for all' just a get-together to teach some new friends some old tricks. Many of our friends here have never played poker so my husband and I are teaching them the basics (without any betting for real money of course). We have always had a standing poker game going in the US in each place that we lived as a great way to enjoy time with friends while playing a competitive game so we are looking forward to starting up a group of like minded people here.

Yesterday I headed to our local retail store to purchase a few needed items for the said get-together. The store I usually shop in happens to be my husband's employer so as I wander the store it is not uncommon for me to take pictures of things I see or call him with questions about products or question why a shelf looks a little bare (aka short on merchandise).Some people might call it pushy. I say what better perspective to get than from a customer. Plus, I have a vested interest in ensuring the company is well run! Yesterday I had to place such a call to my husband.

While looking around for something to mix with vodka I was searching for tonic. You know your standard tonic. But all of the names on the products were like "greek" to me. So I call my husband and say, "Hey go ask your buyer what the locals call tonic here. I don't know if this product I am looking at is tonic or not. It has a funny description on it called just Indian Water." I hang up and say under my breath with a little laugh, "these are the funny kinds of conversations I have while living here."

Is this the same as that?
I can't find this spice on the shelf. What do they call it in India?
Or my favorite....can I smell that and see if it is similar to something we use in the US.

I genuinely love that there are a million different kinds of flour here too. Different flour to buy to create different Indian foods. But which do I buy if I just one standard kind of flour (similar to the US) for making cakes? I had to try 3 kinds before I found a good one that sort of works for me. But sugar for some reason only comes in one kind...granulated...so my brownies and cobbler always come out a little grainy.

Anyways, my husband calls me back and says that yes it is the same as tonic. I buy 6 and immediately taste one when I get home. Yup...it is tonic!

Male Only Check

My husband and I decided to eat at a local restaurant this past Saturday. It is a really good place with a global cuisine menu so you can pretty much get whatever kind of food you are craving.

You have to pass through a security check to get into the mall to eat at this restaurant so that was what we did on Saturday. As we walked through the doors the male security guard waves me on in but stops Lance to then pass the "wand" over him to ensure has no crazy things on him like metal items, guns, or knives which of course he doesn't carry. What struck me as odd was that I was carrying my usual gargantuan sized purse that could have had anything in it but because I was a woman, and thus un-wandable, I was not searched or even asked to open the bag.

This happens all over India. If you are women and you are going into a mall, hotel, whatever and there is not a female guard on duty (to search your person and purse) then no one checks you over because a male security guard can not wand a women in India nor can he search her bag. It is true! Sometimes you go into a mall and there is a female only security screening area that forces you to go behind this flimsy, little screen to be wanded so the men passing through their own security check don't see and get all "flustered" or something...because lets face it a security check is so interesting right! :)

In airports in India they have completely separate lines for men and women to pass through. And for once, the women's line is always shorter than the men's (I think that is because less women seem to travel in India or maybe it is because they really take their time checking out the men to be sure they are safe).

Anyways, thus I have come to believe that we (women) just can't do something evil like bring in something illegal into the building.

So I laugh whenever this happens to Lance and he is the only one of  us that is searched. I just say in an accusatory tone while pointing at him, "You men are so evil! See how they always have to search you! You should be ashamed of your gender."

He just laughs and looks down at me out of the corner of his eye while raising his eyebrow and says, "They don't know my wife!"

(Of course neither one of us would break the rules and he is kidding but it is funny none the less.)

Wash...boss...same thing.

A few days ago I had a big misunderstanding. You know that whole....you don't speak the same language as me thing and I don't understand your accent. It all started with my driver calling me up while I was doing my morning yoga routine and asked me, "Mam, are you going out this afternoon?"

I responded with, "Yes, around 2 pm I will head over to the market to buy some groceries and later meet a friend for coffee."

He was quiet for a moment while he thought. Then he stated, "I need to take wash."

I thought, 'Oh gosh, I really don't need to know that!' I responded to Sushil by stating, "Ok, do what you need to do. I will be out around 2 pm."

He sounded confused but just agreed with a simple, "Yes mam."

When we hung up I finished my yoga while thinking well that was strange. I got ready to head out for a full afternoon of errands and spending time with friends. I hopped in the car around 2 pm and told my driver to take me to the market. I asked him, "Did you get everything done that you needed to?" (I was eluding to the wash thing earlier.)

He responded a bit hesitantly, "Yes, mam." I could tell he was unsure of something. We were both quiet.

A few minutes later my husband calls and says, "Are you with Sushil?"

"Yes, why?"

He says, "Because I needed him at 1:45 to take me over to do some store visits."

Oh goodness...I realized what he had meant earlier....when he said 'take wash' he meant 'TAKE THE BOSS (meaning my husband)' I just hadn't understood my driver's accent. I tell my husband we are on our way over to get him right now. Later I would apologize to Sushil. It wasn't his fault that both Lance and I needed him at the same time and he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to disappoint either of us. Anyways, wash....boss....same thing.  Sort of!  :)